Expectations - Blog 1

What I'm thinking most about after reading the email thread and last semester's facilitators' last blog posts is the idea about preparation. It makes sense to be nervous about your first session - to have so many expectations for it. It makes sense to worry that you wont make a good impression, that you'll come off more authoritative than you want to be, or conversely too permissive. As an RA at Alice Lloyd I've lost sleep about how my residents would perceive me only to figure out what I knew already to be true - those who were going to engage from the beginning were going to engage and those who weren't weren't. I found that the most genuine conversation happens when I'm being myself quirks and all open, even a little vulnerable, but okay with it. What I've learned is that if you set the stage and are calm and comfortable with it, the group responds. Like Lauren Fitzgerald said, "your emotions (anxiety or comfort) will rub off on the people in your circle."

This notion of not over thinking is a new one for me, but one I am truly trying to embrace both for myself as a facilitator, an RA, and a person. I want to hold myself to a level of candidness and engagement and I'll expect them to hold themselves to the same standard. I'll have conversation points in my back pocket, but will only bring them out if others are reluctant to speak. I'll be okay with awkward silences and encourage ownership of the space. I'll do my best not to get ahead of myself.

What I think will be the biggest struggle for me is cultivating that group community. In the past I have preferred one on one conversations to group settings because of the level of depth that one on one conversations allow and the akwardness of finding one's space within a bigger group. I realize now, as I'm writing this, that I may be able to use that feeling to my advantage - as the students who come may be looking for their space in this greater University.

I'm expecting some awkwardness and adjustment and I'm sure that I'll walk away from some sessions not feeling as great as others. But I think if I continue to keep in mind that this is a conversation, I'll be able to let go of some of the preconceived expectations that often hold me back.