It's not just communication that I find daunting. I'm acutely aware of the challenges that international students face, not only here on campus, but also in the political, cultural, and socioeconomic microcosm of America at large. I'll always remember the fear of being unable to speak that accompanied me all throughout my first few weeks in the United States; there was nothing cognitively or developmentally wrong with my linguistic faculties but I was constantly and consistently afraid of tripping over my words, messing up any element of grammar, blanking on vocabulary, and so on and so forth. For many foreigners, the notion that communicative ability is linked to perception of one's self, and one's self-worth, is a strong one. I know I definitely felt (and continue to feel) that my ability to use English in a convincing and effective way is the primary method others will use to gauge my intelligence and overall character.
This combination of the fear involved with using a foreign language and the social awkwardness that always initially exists in groups of strangers is what I'm most fixated on currently. As the semester moves along, I think I'll naturally grow into my role as facilitator and begin to understand how to subtly aid other international student's in coming to terms with their relationship with English. Its my hope that I will eventually be able to encourage the students in my conversation circles to lose their trepidation not only in dealing with one another, but also in dealing with the English language itself.
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